Ballantine Interview
     
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Thanks for taking the time out of your busy spywared day to do this

interview. Which name would you like to be called for the sake of this

interview; Ballantine, Thin Line, etc?

 

You may call me King Intellect Supreme Savior. Or, for

short: KISS

 

Oh boy. This should be fun. So you seem to be a very intelligent individual. Care to tell us where

and what you studied in school, and what it is you do for a living?

 

Certainly. I'm not surprised you have recognized my rare

and keen intellectual capacity. I studied at NYU and Yale. I have both

a BA and MA. I'm a Dean of Admissions at a major University and am on the

verge of publishing a book. For the record, I studied Psych.

 

Humor me and explain to me why the Dean of Admissions at a Major

University has spyware on his computer.

 

Because there are various Deans; the absolute Top Dog

Dean has final say on all decisions, and works directly with the upper

administration. Associate Deans have seniority, and travel to the

better regions, and do less grunt work. Junior Deans, like myself, do a lot of

the gruntwork. There is an office manager who monitors web movement, as a

result of an unfortunate incident last month... One of our general

computers had kiddy porn downloaded onto it. As a result, the office manager had

her duties extended to monitoring our activities on the internet.

 

Ah, I see. That sucks. You're not being watched now, are you?

 

No. The watcher has gone for the day. Whore. Her, not you. Well, you too.

 

Your insults do nothing but stroke my insanely inflated ego. Now

can we move on?

 

are you asking me to stroke you? I just wanted to know if you need some stroking.

I stroke like my room was on fire baby.

 

It's clear that you've got some skills when it comes to writing.

We've all seen your freestyles/battle rhymes on the boards. Is that just a

hobby that you picked up in the lobby (I had to do it), or do you plan to

make career moves with your gift of word?

 

I would love to ghostwrite. I'm a superior keystyler. But who is going to notice my talennts on a shithole website like SOHH?

Besides, Minister Who? taught me eveything I know. I am the best keystyler ever.

Point blank. Now let's get serious here. I noticed you interviewed that

fat dude with all the sneakers, and the pseudo-intellectual homosexual who

does all of those longwinded pretentious album reviews. What took you so

long to do me (pun intended, sweet flaky cave strudel)?

 

First of all, understand that this is me interviewing you, I ask

the questions, you give the answers, not vice versa. And you are the first

person I have ever interviewed for the site, so stop crying and prepare

for my next question.

 

Oooh, you're a frisky little ice age twat muffin.

 

What is the current status of your love life. Are you dating,

involved, single, married...?

 

I am currently dating a lovely young woman. Concurrently, I'm sleepingn with

other young women, all of whom are white. I have a insatiable craving

for white women, it's like my personal fried chicken/kryptonite, I see that

milky skin tone and lose my mind.... You know, you white women are truly

wonderful. Sex with your kind.... It's like a butterknife sliding through a fresh,

hot biscuit. But that ain't butter I'm spreading, that's man chowder.

 

Where in the hell do you come up with this shit? OK, thoughts on Michael Jackson and his current situation?

 

Hmmm.... I like Off The Wall the best. Thriller is right there, neck-and-neck.

 

I said current situation, I didn't ask for your opinion on his

albums.

 

I'm sick of these ingrates complaining all the time. Do

you realize there are children diseased and famished all over the world?

There are kids at war. These kids get to go to Neverlannd and play all day,

they get gifts, they are well fed, and sometime well paid. But they want to

act like it's so terrible that the gloved one gets a little satisfaction

out of the situation too. There's no such thing as a free lunch in this world.

I think Michael is guilty, but justified. When are we going to talk about my legacy? My genius? The homosexual nerds you call friends? Your secret desire to have my black jack hammer pummel your sugar walls?

 

Wow, that MJ sentiment could be regarded as quite controversial and

offensive. How fitting for you. And we are talking about just you and

I, not my friends, and remember, I'm asking the questions and you're

answering. So, obviously, your "gimmick" on the SOHH boards is being a hateful

bastard who attempts to make the posting environment miserable for everyone

else. Can you describe the feeling/s you get when you succeed in getting

another poster on the boards to argue with you?

 

*is shocked and appalled* Gimmick? Whatever do you mean?

 

DO YOU DENY THESE ALLEGATIONS?!

 

I'm neither hateful nor a bastard. Unlike black males, I

have a lawful father. And you have mistaken my love for hate. When

Galileo said the world was round, wasn't he vilified? I love in a different

way, an advanced way, which is why you are confused. Are you offennded by me on SOHH?

 

Not at all. Next question: To some people it would appear that you

use the SOHH boards as an outlet for full-blown multiple personality

disorder. Ever been to a psychiatrist/psychologist, or told that you should see

one?

 

I must say, there was nothing but love for me when I

traisped and tra-la-la'd around SOHH as Minister Who? It was

intriguing, to witness how simple it was to garner such a following in a matter of

weeks by simply suppressing all of my manhood and acting in a way befitting a

homosexual. That won over people like dante500, you know, the Lionel

Richie type. 'Tis ironic that you'd ask one with extensive knowledge of psyh

such a question. I am quite in control of my personality. P.S. I'm thrilled to see you got rid of that

cottage-cheese-thighs snapshot of you and that mangy mutt. Kudos.

 

Ironic that you find it ironic, I have also studied psych, worked

with mentally ill people for 2 years, and can recite the DSM in my sleep.

Next question. Care to take this time to lie - er, reveal any aliases from the

boards?

 

You say you've worked with mentally ill people for two

years. Are you counting your time at SOHH as work? Or are you

describing your family situation? As for my aliases, I think you know them.

Thin line, doctor face (banned), leonardo dinappyfro (banned), shoebox shakur

and of course Minister Who?... and Felicia Palmer, believe it or not

 

I don't.

 

And yet you do believe Minister Who?.... Interesting. Here I feel the need to insert a gratuitous

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

OK ballantine, who are some of your favorite artists. And stop bringing

up Minister Who?, no one cares, he's not the focus of this interview, you are.

 

I like old school rappers. Kane, Special Ed, love Nas

 

As do I.

 

No one asked you ho. Excuse me. Oh, and Outkast sucks.

 

I feel sorry for your girfriends.

 

I only have one. Do you feel sorry because of the size of my penis and

pain its girth must inflict upon them? I think the new site you're interviewing me for sucks.

 

Enough of your sexual bantering. What reaction, if any, do you have

to the following statement: If SOHH was a pussy, you would be herpes.

 

I can only scoff at such puerile wit.

 

Right-O. Ready for word association?

 

Fire away

 

OJ Simpson

 

white cave sluts

 

noodles

 

head

 

slurpee

 

Dip Set and Kelis. Don't ask me why.

 

sleeping bag

 

epmd's first record

 

Ted Bundy

 

a hero

 

hearse

 

that fat rapper who died from Brooklyn

 

toothbrush

 

cave slut spent the night

 

LOL...SuperGalacticLover

 

The purple heart. A man of honor. Yale. Take your pick, and take your prick.

 

Minister Who? ...is your dick hard now?

 

Not nearly as smart as he thought. My dick is always stiff when you're in my universe.

 

Yes, you make me insanely horny as well.

 

I'm glad you are whore enough to admit that. I am masturbating right now to the e-thought of you.

 

I had my fingers crossed. Any last words/rants/psychotic

explosions?

 

40 dawg is about to pull a big pun. RIP fatboy.

Kaodik... thank God he left. Stay away homo. Femme... fuck me sweet petunia,

please. I love you all. As always. Do you admit I'm a genius? As you've said before?

 

I will do nothing of the sort.

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